Grace To Choose:Practicing Discernment in Every Season

Every good thing isn’t meant for you — and that’s okay.

Welcome Back Lovelies

Can you believe that we’re already halfway through the summer? It’ll be time to head back to campus before we know it (unfortunately lol). This summer has been so refreshing and eye-opening — filled with lessons that I’ve truly taken to heart. Lifestyle with Linds is such a personal space for me, so before I bring any topic to the blog, I always take time to sit with it, reflect, and make sure it’s something I’ve truly lived through.

This post is especially close to my heart because it’s one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned recently — and honestly, I think it’s something we all need to carry with us moving forward. Today, we’re diving into the strength of discernment. Discernment is about knowing who you are, staying rooted in faith, and having the grace to choose what aligns with you — not just what’s available. I’m so excited to share this with you. Let’s jump in.

“God’s grace doesn’t just cover our mistakes — it empowers us to choose differently moving forward.”

— Unknown

Knowing yourself deeply—beyond the surface—is one of the most powerful acts of faith you can practice. At the root of discernment is having enough self-awareness to recognize what aligns with your purpose when it's time to make a decision.

Discernment is defined as “perception in the absence of judgment, to obtain spiritual guidance and understanding.” And let me just say — learning the skill of discernment is one of the best things you can develop as you navigate life.

Since coming to college, I’ve seen that skill grow within me, and I know without a doubt that it’s only because of God’s grace. College has taught me many lessons, but discernment has by far been the biggest lesson. To me, discernment isn't about arrogance or stubbornness. It's about permitting yourself to say no to what doesn't align with who you are without the pressures to say yes. In a society that often expects Black women to be everything for everyone, all the time, it’s easy to lose ourselves in the noise — which is why knowing your worth and protecting your peace is not just important, it’s necessary. When you begin to know yourself-your boundaries, values, and decisions become much clearer. This comes from grace and trusting that God is with you in each moment.

When I began to grow in discernment and gave myself the grace to choose, it was then that I realized that it's not about choosing what's "right" but choosing what's right for me in everyday moments. Let's talk about what this looks like.

Clarity Through Quiet

In my experience, I’ve learned that discernment doesn’t always show up in obvious ways. More often, it reveals itself through moments of discomfort—because the right decision isn’t always the easiest one to make. Put simply: “when you know better, you do better.” But gaining that kind of wisdom starts with being honest with yourself first and listening to yourself as well.

Example Timee:

It’s Friday night and you’re out with your best friends at the club. The music’s loud, the energy is amazing, and the vibe feels just right—laughs, drinks, dancing, good times. Then suddenly, the energy shifts. The music feels too loud, your body tenses, and a wave of discomfort hits you out of nowhere. You start scanning the room, feeling uneasy, but you can't put your finger on why. That’s discernment. You have to trust that.

Later that night, you check the news and find out something did happen at that club—a fight broke out, or worse. And in that moment, you realize the discomfort you felt wasn’t random. It was divine protection.

Understanding Your Place in Their Life

When entering my twenties, one of the hardest lessons discernment has taught me is knowing when to accept the role I play in someone's life and when to accept it for what it is, so I no longer disappoint myself. The truth is, sometimes we might hold more space for others in our lives, and they don't hold that same space. As hard as this is to accept, it is freeing once you accept it.

A while ago, there was a friend in my life I would invite to hang out, such as brunches and study dates. But they would always cancel last minute or not follow through. Then I started seeing them out with other friends, and it hurt. At first, I took it personally. I kept wondering if I had done something wrong.

But then it clicked: I just wasn’t a priority in their life. I began to learn my role in their life, but this didn’t necessarily mean they weren’t my friend or didn’t care about me—it just meant I played a different role in their life than they did in mine.

That's when I started learning more about discernment, and only then could I accept the truth of what that friendship was. Not every connection is meant to be everlasting and close. Knowing this gave me much-needed clarity and peace.

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Grace > Pressure

A misconception about discernment is that it is about walking away from what's not for you but it is not about that. It is truly about giving yourself the grace to choose what is for you instead. It is trusting yourself to know what is aligned for you and release what isn't. Having discernment over your life means that you don't force connections, chase clarity, or beg for belonging. You go where you are wanted and choose peace. This of course does not happen overnight but with time you will gain more wisdom to decipher decisions.

In conclusion, discernment takes time but I learned that it is a blessing to be able to choose. It is a sign of growth, that I do not take for granted. Discernment has taught me to trust myself, to stop second-guessing what I feel, and to choose peace over confusion.

Thank you so much for reading.

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Until the next blog post!

Lindsay Mariah